Monday, June 11, 2012
Dear God.. I am dedicating this post to you.. Because when I pray.. Sometimes I'm not able to organise my thoughts properly..
In all the 4 years that I was in secondary school.. I never really wanted to get to know You.. I saw my sister having accepted You.. Went on to quarrel with my parents.. And I was thinking.. Why would You allow such a thing to happen..? Isn't Christianity supposed to bond a family together..? I refused to open my heart to You.. I didn't want to strain my relationship with my family anymore..
At that time.. I was with Jingying.. After we broke up.. She told me that she didn't believe in You because I wasn't a Christian.. I didn't know what to make of it at that time.. And till now I still don't.. But it left a deep impression in me.. All the way till now..
Then when I started chasing Priscilla.. Knowing her family is a Christian family.. I felt a need to get to know You better.. I started going to Good Shepherd.. And I really enjoyed myself with the sharing during service.. I thought I felt what was your presence.. And eventually I accepted You into my life.. I don't really recall what happened.. Why I turned my back on you.. Why I eventually stopped going to church..
The second time me and Pris got together.. We totally cast you aside.. I think that's the main reason why there were so many problems with us.. I think you really understood me.. That my character was so stubborn.. That you had to do something drastic for me to change.. All this time.. I thought I was a tough guy.. But this incident showed me how soft I really am.. I didn't know I could cry in front of anyone at anytime.. You touched me so deep during Saturday service.. Thinking back about it makes me shed tears right now.. How I turned my back on You.. How I shut You out from my life.. How I neglected Pris' need for a spiritual partner.. How I didn't want to acknowledge Your presence in our relationship.. And yet.. You still accepted me back as one of your own when I came crying out to you.. Most importantly.. You showed me that there wasn't a need to put on a tough front.. That You will accept me for who I am.. Your love for me showed me how insignificant my love for Priscilla is.. And if it hurts me this bad.. I didn't know how hurt You must have felt when I walked away from You..
I will follow You sincerely.. You changed my life from this incident.. And I thank You Lord..
it got me home
10:53 am
